I have so much to say that it feels almost impossible to say anything. I have such an overwhelming amount of information in my brain that I want to get out it's like a traffic jam. My thoughts are all vehicles trying to merge into the one lane that leads to my fingers typing, and there are so many collisions going on that none are getting through....
I went to see Whatever Works tonight in Philly with Chuck and Diebra. There is one scene in the movie where Larry David's character jumps out of a window out of his utter frustration with life and nonsense. As I was just walking down my hall I felt like doing just that. I just had this impulse to just run and go straight for the window. Uncharacteristically, I managed to fight my urges and remain where I was. For better or worse.
It was a gorgeous night out tonight. It was one of those amazing summer nights where it's not hot and humid nor is it chilly. It was that perfect temperature with a breeze that just makes you feel content. Unfortunately, these perfect nights make me think of love and happiness; two things I do not currently possess. That's not to say I don't love. I feel happy sometimes too but these moments are fleeting. It seems like sometimes attaining great happiness in one part of life somehow makes everything else seem like it's less. This ultimately leads to that one thing taking over so much of your thoughts that it's hard to enjoy anything else the same. It's like tasting the greatest fruit and knowing you will never have anything that good again. What is there to strive for if the greatest thing you can experience has already happened?
Some of this sounds contrived and probably hard to understand even for me, probably a result of the aforementioned traffic jam in my brain... but since nobody reads this it's really just for me anyway. I need to go run or something. It's a perfect night for it. Why not? 3AM runs are always good.
dm.
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