It burned out the whole spectrum

Holding steady at the edge, but a strong wind could shake my grip loose
Missing you like the last puzzle piece that's not in the box
Without you nothing is complete and this picture lacks meaning
I feel you in the dark but know I'm by my lonesome
Your eyes are flashing bulbs capturing the moment
Between the sheets of lies and empty promises we write pages of future regrets
This night's lust will be eclipsed by the rationale brought by the morning sun
I've got keys to locks that don't exist
I try them in your door like internal organs that just don't fit

..dm..moretocome..

Nobody knows me

I'm feeling extra empty today, not for lack of trying to fill myself with food and family.
Holidays are vaccuums that can suck the life out of you.
It's like i'm incapable of genuine emotion.
It hasn't even been that long since I felt, or thought I did.
But you've lost your appeal like a bad lawyer.
I guess you can trust in the fact that everyone can let you down.
And you can hold on to that if you're a heartbroken, insensitive narcissist.
Like me.
I just want to let go and hope I'll float off, weightless.
The chords and drums from my speakers echo the invisible tears I cry.
This is a rant and nothing better.
When I'm feeling alone I need to make friends out of new words.
Maybe it's because when I stand still for a moment, I can easily see all that's passing me by.
I need to get moving or I won't recognize anything anymore.
Keep lowering the bar.. cuz I'm falling down and I want another drink.

~dm~dm~dm~dm~dm~

Dreaming Dearly Departed

I'm opening up to the undertow of us pulling away
I'm fishing for a fresh feeling and you're the catch of the day
I'm standing on a stepping stone in your poison pond
And drowning from your fragrance of which I was fond
We're driving with the windows down in winter
Watching cars collide calmly with concrete and splinter
Distant descriptions of decomposition
And corpses come crawling with hopes of contrition
Waking up to the sickening sound of a pipe organ
And the scent of sex on a sunday morning
The procession proceeds past polite passers-by
Earning momentary respect from each earnest eye
Alkaline kisses can't come between kindred lips
Lessons learned over time leave lesser men betwixt
Resignation rarely rears its head in recognition
But buried beneath bluegrass beats a heart we're missing.

~dm

Magnetic North

She wraps herself in her favorite songs like a blanket on a cold morning
but she still can't warm her feet
Her fingers clench a pen tap, tap, tapping on blank notebook pages
but she just can't find the words
She opens a window to breathe fresh air she can't find in her room
but the oxygen never seems to reach her lungs
Her thoughts circle the track like a holiday toy train
but the bridge is out ahead

This is the evolution of a girl whose legs just couldn't carry her
To all the places she saw in dreams and knew she'd go
As life would pass her fast and faster still her dreams depart
She sat awake and still like a river trying to change its flow

She stirs her fears in with her bread and bakes for days
but when it rises she's only more afraid
Her crimson lips met golden skin in gorgeous valleys on her face
but she hid herself in mountains far away
She holds her shoulders back and stands up straight with pride
but her bones slouch sadly inside
Her words drain slowly cold from the faucet at her mouth
but there is no heater to warm them

This is the destruction of a girl whose arms couldn't reach out far enough
To catch all the things she knew she could get
As time passed her slowly and stranger still her life moved past
She sat staring at her ocean like a captain with no idea which direction was home

What have you sewn?

I step out from the shade and feel the sun
It does little to warm this body
Just illuminates the pain inside
And presents it with a smile on my face
I know I'll never get the things I want
Still I walk along with this swagger
Finding hope in every passing moment
But remaining a hopelessly desperate child
I want you all to myself
But I'll do just what I want
You know I'd come if your voice called me
I'll be there for you, just not alone
I stand here humbled by the world
It passes by while I sit still
Curtains pulled to stay in darkness
Hiding the face you don't want to see
I have my standards and you have yours
If you're not like me, what are you still here for?
Riding vanity like a cold wave to the shore
I'll be sticking around but you can't take anymore
Ducking down low where you've set the bar
It's not uncommon to play these things
If you can't be happy with what you've got
Put on a haze with your scarf and take a shot
Unfinished words dig below you like shovels
The ground is moist and ready to hold you
Bury your sins with your words and never visit
They'll come back as soon as you wish they wouldn't

~dm~

Are you dying to believe

..I can't go on without you?

I can't see so well.
I'm limited to what's right in front of me.
The cold from the window.
The tap of the rain on the glass.
The smell of this sweatshirt.
The rug beneath my feet.
This familiar happy feeling.
The one that never lasts.
Clever words woven together in shapes I've made before.
This water isn't changing into wine.
I need something stronger.
What's the point of "used to be's" and "i remember's"?
Sad reminders that you had it better once.
What's to come, could it be as good?

"And I wonder, when I sing along with you, if anything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again." ~FF

Home from home

I'm sitting staring at the darkness that surrounds the square light of my laptop.
It's just black, but a familiar black.
If the only light went out, I could find the door or the pen lying next to my bookshelf.
It's the same darkness I've stared at for so many years.
Sitting on the same bed in the same room.
Walking down the same hallways and stairs.
Pacing up and down the same driveway on the phone at night.
Looking through the same branches from the same tree to see the same stars.
Driving the same roads to the same places time and again.
I'm always running away, but I'm never getting anywhere.
Always somewhere new, but I never stay.
New roads, new skylines, new people and new bridges.
All fleeting and left behind to return to familiarity.
I want to drive away and watch the scenery behind me fall apart.
Watch it deconstructed like a movie set.
The places I once knew reduced to open space with no trace of home.
I want to cross over that bridge once more and see it fall into the river.
Could I stay away?
Would I drive on and make a new life in a new place?
Or would I rebuild the bridge and put back up the town just how I knew it?
What is home?
Can it be reduced to a single dwelling or a collection of streets and well-known sights?
Could it be just a feeling, with no permanent locale?
Perhaps it's different for everyone, but I'm ready to find out how far I can take this home.

Dark Day

I'm lying flat, waiting
Ready for surgeons to purge this feeling from my brain
I've been in this bed forever
I'm not sure that I could walk upright even if I tried
Legs like numb concrete
It hurts to even consider walking away from this
I try to speak, to no avail
Every word cuts my throat like pieces of glass
My words are stuck inside
Escaping only as raspy grunts and coughs
Pounding inside my skull
Wanting to traverse these neurons to find freedom
Knocking at my temples
Refusing to stay locked up without at least attempting jailbreak
Hands freezing and blue
Like I've been holding these frigid metal bars for days
Turning my head from the sun
My only sanctuary lies in dreams and disillusionment.

..dm..