Stormclouds & Heartbeats

The rain is witness to perfection.
The drops fall in sync with my heart's beating.
We are clouds ripped apart by lightning,
making a thunderous gesture to rejoin one another.
Savoring this cold and wet embrace,
I become numb to the weather.
Staring deep into that beautiful unknown,
I sound out smiles.
I hold out a departure until the smallest morning hour.
As the rain stops, I bid this love adieu..
and wait eagerly for it's return.

.lovegetswet.dm.

Headlights on a Dark Road

Walking through the darkness, a light appears in the distance. Unexpected and inspiring, I am reaching out towards it, but still miles away. I savor each moment the light washes upon my face, for I know that at any moment it could dissapear like a mirage in the desert. So tie my hands back, and I'll tread on towards the brightness. After staring for so long, I turn away dizzy and disoriented. Each awkward step forward brings me closer to brilliance. Step, step, one at a time, careful and unyielding, until I am one with the light.

Some things I wrote a while ago:
9/19/06
"Rhetoric"
How are we supposed to move on?
True, life waits for no one--
but it stops altogether for some.
Without justification or warning
How do we find closure?
If love is eternal,
although this idea seems as man-made as religion,
how do you love again?
Wouldn't you simply be loving more?
How big can a heart get?
How much love can one fist-sized organ hold?
My poetic hands can't grasp this romantic feat.

9/20/06
It's time for me to say hello to letting go
Time to wake up and greet defeat
I wish I could give you a pint of the ink flowing through my veins
So you could write my story
Burn the words that should never have been penned
I'm weighing the odds and you're tipping the scales,
yet I'm hesitant to publish my results
I'm back and forth like a pendulum;
I'm ready to stop
I wonder who might be whispering in your ears as I listen to the ringing in mine.
---------------------

With every word you said,
with every breath you left,
every smile you sneak
and each laugh you squeak,
another look that screams
for a brand new dream.

+lost at the loved & found+
-dm-

The pros and cons of breathing

Summer's getting colder...
I've been thinking all day and I don't think I've had a complete thought.
It's easier to think about inconsequential things. For example:
I'd like get some fireworks soon. Just watching something sparkle and blow up makes me feel like a kid.
Remember Razzles? They were candy then gum. They were awesome.
I'd like to learn to play piano someday.
Skiing season will be here before you know it, you can bet you'll find me on the slopes the first opportunity I get.

I'm going to continue my trivial thoughts elsewhere, somewhere a lot colder.
Goodnight.

.lovelost.dm.

Sometimes it just feels better to give in..

I'm feeling numb. Only in my head though. I don't feel safe.

I know it's not what you deserve.

Let the lightning strike me down.

You know where to find me. Watching my reflection. Judging.

Staring at my own lying eyes as I tell myself I'll be just fine.

Goodbye.

This has been said so many times...

I love the night time. I love stars. I love cool nights after hot days.
Everything seems so much more genuine, but at the same time more surreal.
Sometimes I think I can feel myself getting older.
It's like you can just sit back and watch time pass by.
I don't think it's possible to love too much, but it seems like it sometimes.
Think of the best night you've ever had.. just that one that always will put a smile on your face, no matter what's going on...
Now set out to make more of those moments, because this is when it counts.

~loveorleave~ .dm.

Cyanidentification

How come I sleep through things I'm supposed to be up for, but when I need to get to sleep I can't do it?

I went for a drive the other night. Just the road, my thoughts and the rain. Though I did stumble onto a pot of gold.
Another rhetorical question: why do all the words that have been in my head suddenly escape me when I finally have the opportunity to get them out?

I'm almost through mourning the summer, I'm looking forward to the first snow.

Six Flags tomorrow morning.. this morning... gonna go read Haunted until I can't keep my eyes open any longer.

>live.love<
dm

Something dies when you grow older..

..but you do the best you can. - bn f.o.y.demons

I'm uncomfortable right now; uncertain, worried, anxious, overwhelmed.
Just not feeling myself today.
Like I'm a beta version of a program that's well advanced from where I am.

I want to be proud.
I want to make people proud-- the real proud, not the kind they tell you to make you feel good about yourself.
I want to do something worthy of a smile and a wave.
Every day that passes is a page in my past, I know I could have written something better.

All motion is pantomime.

I'm walking in the rain just to try and steal some thunder.
I need to be struck by something to electrify me again.
I never really burn out, just get dimmer sometimes.

It's like trying to be your shadow.
As hard as you try, you can only be three-dimensional.
You can touch your shadow, but you can't really feel it.
It can mimic a lot of your motion, but can't have a personality.
Except I'm my own shadow and I can't get to myself.
And I can't reach out from the wall I'm cast on.
I'm stuck, emotionless and dark.
An outline of life.
A mimic of motion.
Existing only because of a light-
Shining like a happy ending to our story, started so long ago.
Someone flip the switch and turn me out.

please enjoy the writing while your party is being reached:

Dot your i's with my heart
and sign it with an X and an O
Postmark the envelope with love
and send it back in time to me
I'll keep this letter open
along with my door
Before I die, just let me wake
The sight and the smell are more than I can take

--> This mess written on recyclable life <--

d(ead)m(an)

I'm burning like a beacon..

Surrounded by water, feels like I could never drown fast enough.
Waves crashing, grieving for souls it has already stolen.
I watch the ship sail into the wind, over the horizon.
Away from this jealous shore.
Every grain of sand on this beach is a missed opportunity.
The cool night air gently caresses my face before it smacks me hard like the end of summer.
Let's combat the cold a little longer.
Hold it at bay for another couple months.
Let's climb monuments and watch the land stretch out over miles.
And watch skylines light up as the sun goes out.
I'll bring some parts of home to foreign soil.
Spend some time at the water's edge restoring feeling to your hands.
With a soundtrack of cds we've ruined for ourselves.
The life of an autumn night.
These are the pebbles to your windowpane.

----------------------

Ringing in your ears like a hanging note.
I'm turning up the bass and the treble.
Hear me screaming from the speakers.
Feel my vibrations in your fingertips.
Sing along to the words you know so well.
Am I your favorite song?
Tap your foot to the beat I follow in your mind.
Sway your shoulders with the melody.
Breathe in and out with the rhythm.
Close your eyes and see the landscape I invent.
Nod your head with each changing chord.
Cymbal crash--I'm gone.

+love is in the details+dm+

We are the monsters underneath your bed

All your idols are creased and glossy
Measure their worth by the weight of their shadows
Don't waste your breath
Mirrors are the enemy
March on
Down with the empire of cover up
Stop creating another eating disorder
Find another hole in the fabric of true love
Follow this addiction down a well-worn path
Wake up the alarm
Explore the vastness of the inner skin
Choose your company by the beating of their hearts-
not the swelling of their heads.

Autumn (weather, at least) brings the best setting for love. No snow to be tackled into, but the cool air just seems to require smiles and beckon for hand holding. I think of autumn as a time to be in a park for some reason. It just seems right. A park at night, with fallen leaves all around, sitting on a swingset facing opposite directions under a single streetlight. It seems ideal anyway.
Here's to dead leaves and long sleeves.

--love--
dm

Don't hate me....

...because I'm beautiful.

Treat your eyes:

Love me.
I do.


My sister's wedding is tomorrow, I have to go mingle with family now.

*dm*

I've been thinking...

September.

It seems like just the other day I was surprised it was already August. The summer has been good, but I feel like I've slept away too many days. I need to spend this month making up for August. The night air is cool, a fitting welcome to the month that ends summer.

This town will never be the same.

I feel very nostalgic tonight. The weather paired with the stereo playing Konstantine has me dwelling in days past. It doesn't take much.

I would like to do a choreographed dance on a treadmill.

I'm writing something. It's the beginning to a story. Don't call it autobiographical. I'm not sure what it will end up being. I feel like I could go somewhere with it. I have a lot to say, it just seems like I don't have the words to say it. I've wanted to write a screenplay, but if I do, I think I'll start with a short novel type of story first. I can't write in just dialogue, I need description and words. I want to build a picture in someone's mind, not on a movie set. However, I need to get these pictures out of my mind before I can present them to anyone. No one will read it anyway.

It's not hard to dream...

It never gets easier

I still sing along to the same songs.
I laugh at the same jokes.
No news is good news.
Sitting in park and riding the brake away.
Follow the taillights.

Don't hate me.

This message will self-destruct...

Comfort can come when and from where it is least expected sometimes.
Another night playing chicken with the sunrise, but never feeling more alive.
Is it funny how trying to be original can turn into conformity?
"Trying to stay afloat in shallow water."
The masts are holding up your sails that will pull this vessel out to sea and away from here.
The plumbing has sprung a leak, but the workers are all on holiday.
So let the basement fill up and drown like this life.
Or take the wheel and leave this fear.
Beauty is more than skin, it comes from all angles.
I'm through being cool.

These messages are all manipulations. +dm

Clouds our way

I've been absent for a while.
Not idle though, more like lying in wait.
Early mornings have a new look to them.
The sun paints the sky blue and my face with a smile.
I don't know if someone has anything to do with that or not.
Summer has almost reached it's end, but it's not over by a longshot.
We've still got plenty to do.
Night swimming should be number one on the list.
I love when movies imitate reality (my current reality at least.)
We need to get around the campfire again.
Nothing like crackling flames behind a soundtrack of good bands and best friends.

I don't want to be the lake that supplies the rivers of your tears. dm.

¦±¦

I feel like a bug that's been stepped on, but can still twitch a few legs.
I sit in this bubble as the world passes quickly by.
There's no protection from the coming rain.
My gut speaks, but no one is listening.
This is my white flag waving.
Rise and then collide.
Turn up the music to avoid confrontation.
Sometimes it just feels better to give in...
it's you I can't deny.
Indecision is playing loud on the radio.
I need some anesthesia, too.
Knock me out and pick me back up if I fall.
I know I'll be safe here.

Aim for me

My mind is holding my life at gunpoint.
Can you feel jetlag even if you were driving?
Obsession isn't always a bad thing.
My eyes are the bow and my thoughts the arrow.
I'm aiming for the apple of your eye.
Bring me back home.
(dm)

Genuine and unprepared...

I feel like I'm always saying goodbye.
I'm leaving tomorrow night for Chicago for the rest of the week.
It's going to be a busy day tomorrow, but on the way to fun.

Today was pretty awesome. Jimmy, Mandie and I went to Red Bank to meet none other than Kevin Smith.. the man himself. We did just sit around on the sidewalk for about 5 hours, but I had a good time anyway. Meeting him was great, he was really sociable and nice and took pictures and signed all the shit I had. He's really as cool as everyone makes him out to be.

My fears are rising as I'm covered by the shadow of men more than me.
Fading out like an amp that's lost power.
Scars without stories or successes.
Silence, can you hear me?
Let guilt subside.
It's not what you deserve.
I light up in the night just to illuminate you.
Don't hide who you are.
Hard as you try, the only person you can't lie to is yourself.
Fight off your demons.

"You're slipping out the back, did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

"Misuse is practice, perfected and played. In time I'm gonna get what's mine."

Don't call me towards the end.
Sit and see the sunrise.
Drowning in an ocean, feeling like it's a fishbowl life.
Pulling up these stakes that have been holding me down.
Tell me what it feels like again?
Coming out from behind my skin.
Stripping off the ivory, I can't be played like a piano anymore.
Know me by the dust on the road.
You can't know these hands until you know what they've penned.
Send me a souvenir, post it with hook, line and bait.
Don't worry, even if I miss you to death, you won't really die.

--dead to the world wide web for a while--

<-*-> dm

I am Jack's raging bile duct

The heat hits you like a slap in the face when you walk outside.
Then it knees you in the gut when you sit in your car.
The slow relief of air conditioning is hardly enough.
Tomorrow is Warped and it should be interesting, being that it's supposed to reach record high temperatures.
I'll just drink water up until I walk in the gates.
Couldn't be much worse than last year when I drank before going in and felt like I was going to pass out about an hour into the show.
Think happy thoughts.
The sounds of night are alive outside, but I'm inside with the still, warm air.
For once, I'm hoping for rain.
Well, I'm not tired, I'm going to sleep now.

Headaches and nailbiters

How much can I confide after walking 2 miles?
I can hardly catch my breath, my thoughts are far behind.
My head feels heavy, I don't know if I have too many thoughts in it or too much alcohol.
Alcohol is as bad as credit cards.
Listen to your grandparents.. not the alcoholic ones.. and leave it alone.
My side is killing me and my heels hurt.
The last day of July... meaningless of course.
I'll most likely sleep the day away since it's almost dawn now anyway.
Do pleasures just lead us away from what is truly righteous?
Is righteousness not true pleasure?
Goodnight, and hopefully not goodbye.