Monday, September 11, 2006

Something dies when you grow older..

..but you do the best you can. - bn f.o.y.demons

I'm uncomfortable right now; uncertain, worried, anxious, overwhelmed.
Just not feeling myself today.
Like I'm a beta version of a program that's well advanced from where I am.

I want to be proud.
I want to make people proud-- the real proud, not the kind they tell you to make you feel good about yourself.
I want to do something worthy of a smile and a wave.
Every day that passes is a page in my past, I know I could have written something better.

All motion is pantomime.

I'm walking in the rain just to try and steal some thunder.
I need to be struck by something to electrify me again.
I never really burn out, just get dimmer sometimes.

It's like trying to be your shadow.
As hard as you try, you can only be three-dimensional.
You can touch your shadow, but you can't really feel it.
It can mimic a lot of your motion, but can't have a personality.
Except I'm my own shadow and I can't get to myself.
And I can't reach out from the wall I'm cast on.
I'm stuck, emotionless and dark.
An outline of life.
A mimic of motion.
Existing only because of a light-
Shining like a happy ending to our story, started so long ago.
Someone flip the switch and turn me out.

please enjoy the writing while your party is being reached:

Dot your i's with my heart
and sign it with an X and an O
Postmark the envelope with love
and send it back in time to me
I'll keep this letter open
along with my door
Before I die, just let me wake
The sight and the smell are more than I can take

--> This mess written on recyclable life <--

d(ead)m(an)

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