Take apart your head

"Backseat Driving Under the Influence

I am a silent passenger
Following the scenery
Riding an unpaved road
Far away from uncertainty
The seatbelt like a noose
Pulling at my neck
Begging me to stop struggling
And let my feet hang
Street signs pass unnoticed--

I've lost faith in this pen
To write me out of trouble again
I'm losing hope that your smile
Will stick around to get me by
I can't find paper that can hold up
With the weight of these words
But I'm understanding that
You can never forget what you learn
The conductor beckons
And I'm following the wave of his hand
I'm a silent passenger
Following the beat of the band."

love is a currency and I'm broke.
dm.

Will Powerless

I feel helplessly young and old at the same time.
I feel contradictory like that.
It's strange because I'm happy, but not happy with who I am.
I could be more, but I don't feel like I have the motivation.
I wish I was one of the people that suceed despite the odds.
I feel like I use my disadvantages as an excuse. I don't want to.
Coming to this realization should allow me to overcome it, right?
I want to get past my fear of failure, or whatever this is.
I need someone to help me, push me past it.
I need somebody to kick me when I'm down and won't get up.

I don't know if this is the same for anyone else, but when I clean my room, or any room for that matter, I always tend to get stuck at one area. Like if I start out straightening up my desk, I'll be completely focused on that desk trying to make it perfect, losing focus on the big picture of just getting the room clean. I feel like that applies to my life, too. I'll get completely focused on one thing, and let everything else fall by the wayside. While I nurture this one crop and watch it flourish, the rest of my plants are dying without water. I just need to reach a medium where I can focus on several things and give them all appropriate attention. Would anyone like to help?

I'll keep pulling at this thread until it unravels like a thought in my head.

>love is a beat>follow it>dm

Waiting my turn to die

I write words that stay pressed between pages waiting for the day they're pulled apart to let the past out. Words can't live up to emotions, they can only mimic. Try being brutally honest in your writing, because when you read it again years from now, you'll still remember if you lied.

"Shelves

Describe to me a love story
One like this you can't find at a library
Following the punctuation
I only find myself lost in the pages
Looking through the words, I laugh
This reality caught in a paragraph
The feelings that ignite in lovers
Can burn the sheets bound between these covers
I worry that I've made a mess
Start a new chapter, send this one to press
Fighting for a copyright
Eclipsing any fiction you could write
The topics and the tales we tell
We'd do well to live life off the shelf
Eternal life on pages creased
And envied classic status will be reached"

I don't want to run away anymore.
I want to be stationary on this stationery.
Just change the letterhead.

love.dm.

You're a voice that never sings

It's rainy autumn weather, with the perfect soundtrack of the new Brand New record.

Staying in a secluded mountain town was quite refreshing. I took a walk on Friday night at around 9 and there were no cars on the roads at all. It was completely silent as I wandered along the edge of the road, sorting my thoughts. It was mostly a stay inside weekend; lots of scrabble and card games. Sometimes, though, it's the little things that make the biggest impact on your life.

I've got my arms wrapped tight around a good feeling.
I'm taking off the gauze and burning the bandages.

11/10/06

"These feelings fell soft
Like an autumn mountain snow
As you settle into sheets
Watch for the headlights' glow
Seek comfort in a candle
Burning on the window's ledge
Pray to be off in the distance
Staring from the canyon's edge

I've been walking these miles
From the valleys to hills high above
They leave me longing for solid ground
Where I can settle down and start up from

Well, the breeze fell fast
We felt it go by
You knew it was coming
Just a matter of time
Staring down on the good life
From a high winding road
If only we could get there
Down this treacherous slope

I've been walking for miles
Down valleys and up hills high above
They leave me to envy solid ground
Where we could settle down and start up from

Just a mile to go to reach the promised land
Engines fighting the incline reaching toward your hand
I think maybe one day we'll look back at this
And laugh at all the pain inside we'll never miss
I'll keep my eyes ahead to navigate these curves
But falling from this hilltop, nothing's sure."

Always keep your fingers crossed.

/luck & love/dm/

Right now they're building a coffin your size

Alas, I have not updated in a while. I've been busy... sort of. This weekend I'll be staying on a mountain halfway across the keystone state. Speaking of which, I'm running kind of late for that, so this is going to be a small update.

I'm feeling far away and we haven't left yet. Maybe I'll feel closer to myself once I'm out of town. Success of our friends can make us look at our own lives a different way. Am I wasting my time? I don't think so, I'm having fun. I still feel like a kid, it's nice to be able to be reckless when you can afford to. I've never been that party kid, getting drunk or high every weekend. I never will be. Being stupid while sober is so much better. I'd like to think being drunk off of laughter is more intoxicating and memorable than any processed grain. I hope I'm wasted all weekend.

>love >dm

The past is just the future with the lights on

"Take this letter and slit your kiss,
Let the words pour from the wound between your lips,
And fill the page with words I can't accept,
I've got letters of my own,
It's like the last real thing on earth is falling free,
Gravity, don't fail me now,
I'm scratching the surface again,
But never breaking in,
Watch the stars close for a sign from the heavens,
Codemn the lying faces hiding their cards,
But I'm no better behind a guilty hand,
All I can do is play what I'm dealt and watch the chips fall,
The explanation is in your eyes,
And the inflection of your goodbyes,
Succeeded by the sounds of good cries,
Sadness for the undeserved familiarity,
Smiling in between sobs,
Trying to regain the happiness of which you've been robbed."

+stop and smell the (p)roses+dm+

Time to get these seeds into the cold ground...

It's been feeling like fall, but tonight is the first night I've felt winter coming.
The moon is shining bright on the frost-nipped soil.
Leaves are falling from the trees like hopes once held high.
Sometimes it's best to ignore me; you've had plenty of practice.
My last entry was pretty downbeat, but to clarify, the time since then has been anything but. It's been all good times as of late.
Some old sayings apply better to science than society.
Save me some coffin nails, I'm putting the finishing touches on my grave.
Come to my funeral wearing a smile.
Dress in a suit and (sever your) tie(s).

...it takes a while to grow anything. ~bn

.dm.