Weeds growing on well-worn paths

Hanging from these strings is overrated.
I'd rather be hanging from your lips.
I only want to climb skyscrapers with you.
To wake up from a dream while never having gone to sleep.
This seed of happiness lay dormant in me.
Awaiting the sunlight that is your smile and the minerals of your mind.
Let me grow up and flourish and keep winter away forever.

I'm imagining skylines at night from a bedroom window.
Bridges and bright lights from a backyard.
Suburbs in the shadow of a great city.
This view of the future is like a two way mirror. Soon I'll see what's really on the other side is just everyone laughing at my brief optimism.
I'm always going, but can't help coming back home to feel safe.
Crossing my fingers under umbrellas in my room.
No such thing as luck. Good or bad.
Locked up my conscience years ago.
It only comes out when it's convenient for me.

Early mornings are late nights.
New thoughts are just recycled from old material.
"The last good thing about this part of town..."
I need to pull over, I'm driving myself crazy.
Maybe I shouldn't pursue engineering, it seems all the bridges I build just burn down in time.
Cremation might be better, I'm used to these ashes.
Tie me to the bumper with some cans to celebrate the newlyweds.
'Do you (mis)take this man...'
Hope he's got a good grip, that's gonna be one hell of a threshold.

(dm)

Scooters

Yesterday morning was my favorite kind of morning. I woke up and walked down the hall to be surprised by the snow covering everything outside. It's a great feeling like I'm a kid again. It only works when you're not expecting it, though. But now, as is life in New Jersey, the snow has melted and you wouldn't even know it was there yesterday.

I miss some of my friends.
Maybe I'll see them soon.
Hope you're having a good VD.

dm.

Something to fall on deaf ears

"The world is spinning by, yelling out for him to come and join them. But his ears are covered and he can only watch their lips moving with half-open eyes. He is awake but the scenery is dreaming past. Eyes pierce his skin, bleeding doubt on his hope. Early for something, but late for everything else. Growing up is growing old. He watches the colors blur together as he sits in a spin of reality. Out of focus, the picture blooms into what could have been. 'What if's' and 'If only's' scream loud enough to hear over the music in his ears. He thinks maybe things could have been perfect for them. The afterlife is just an afterthought. It seems too easy to let everything keep going by without reaching out to try and get a piece of it. He stands up, head spinning, and slowly accepts the hand of someone outside of his solitude. He takes off his headphones, content to make music of his own."

.afrozendream.dm.

An army of penguins...

Send me away, I am uninspired.
I feel robotic.
Standing atop tall buildings doesn't fill me with awe anymore.
Sure, I was there. But it didn't feel as high or like I was floating above the city.
This compound is missing an element.
Questions have more meaning than their answers.
I feel like exploding.
I contradict myself in thought and in action.
I'm a hole in the road, fill me in.

(dm)

I want to..

I want go on a long road trip to somewhere warm where we can drive all day and night with the windows down singing Saves the Day and old Ataris songs. Who's coming?

I know you don't wanna...

sleep here alone. ~cobrastarship

Everything seems to be it's own antithesis at times.
Nothing is really straightforward.
I feel like I'm holding the rest of my life in my arms, but dropping the ball.
My fingers trace the route I've taken before, but I want to travel this well-worn path forever.
Does that mean I'll keep trekking in this vicious circle?
Right now it doesn't seem like such a bad thing.
If only you could take a moment and wrap yourself in it like a blanket, so it completely encompasses you until you peek out for signs of life and find a cruel world that you never want to rejoin.
Maybe that is what we do sometimes, in our heads anyway.
We take for granted the things that mean everything and we dwell in the inconsequential.
"I listen to you talk, but talk is cheap."+44
You've entered my focus, but I've got myself under the microscope.
I'm going to need better instruments.
I'm an open book written in the vernacular; you just need to learn the language.
This is just the cover.

.lovealive.dm.

Not feeling well...

Birthdays are like checkpoints in life; as you round the track for another lap, you stop to evaluate your progress and assess your situation to come. It always feels like the future that everyone has been talking about since we were little is so far away, but it's really just sneaking right up behind us. I watch as some swerve and crash, heading blindly toward whatever comes their way.. and I envy them sometimes. I'm accused of sitting idly by, but I don't agree. I'm doing something for myself and I have good friends; a family that I know will be there if I need them. Having that is good enough for me, someone to be there for and someone that will be there for me.. anything else is icing.

I'm not good at sitting still. My favorite thing to do is plan things to do.. but I also enjoy the actual doing. Unfortunately a few things didn't work out to my liking, but we made the best of it and enjoyed the nice weather.

I don't know where I'll be in a year.. or even less. I'm just concerned with where I am now and where I'll be tomorrow. Maybe that's not wise; not that I'm not looking into the future at all, just that when I do, I can't see that far, so I prefer to look at something closer that I feel like I have control over. I'd like to grab ahold of the future and pull myself towards it, but I also want to savor the things I have now, because you never know when the present will cease to exist and all there will be is the past. I feel like I have immediate regrets, and that annoys me. I seem to realize that I'll regret what I'm doing as I'm doing it.. yet I don't stop myself. "Indecision is worse than the wrong decision.."(~the Sopranos) I put myself in situations that I know will cause me trouble, but it seems that I bask in it. Am I abnormal for behaving this way? Is it just something inside of me trying to escape? I don't know. If so, I'd like to find it and tear it out by the legs and drown it in the pool of sadness it's created.

"We learn from history that we do not learn from history." -Georg Hegel

.dm.

From the city...

If this picture looks familiar, it's the same one from before at night. Central Park.

We went ice skating.

Inside the Guggenheim art museum.

On our way somewhere....

That's all for the photographic tour of our trip.. come back tomorrow for more adventures.

dm

Glad I have friends...

I don't know how to start this.
Nothing to really say I guess.
Slightly depressed that our trip is over so soon.
Slightly depressed that I'll be turning 23 with nothing to show for it.

-no title-

Shining bright like a summer's day
but cold to the touch
The light drains from the sky like the blood
rushing from my heart
Each time you graze my hand

Hard pavement and a soft sky
are all that we need
Nothing new under this sun
so let's make history
That you won't read about in textbooks

A connection like currents
running through veins
Fingertips are circuits
holding the voltage
Until the switch gets flipped

A gaze discovered
and returned
Follow these invisible lines
to a place I'd rather be
Away from wandering eyes and prying minds

Try as you may
this stays with me
Frost on the windshields
is a word frozen in my throat
I need some heat to set it free

Make a wish
and say it aloud
I can be a genie
in one way or another
It would be nice to get out of this lamp sometime.

dm.

Don't get your hopes up

I'm listening to the new Ataris cd with clenched teeth right now.
It's not bad, just different. I know it takes me a while to adjust sometimes, but this is nothing like their old stuff.. any of it. They're completely reinvented. Sad, in a way. I guess everyone grows out of the punk thing after a while.
I just learned something exciting about tomorrow.. I'm not telling yet though, you'll just have to wait.
The non-stop week of fun is coming soon. I really need to prequel it with a non-stop week of looking for work. That is if I hope to have any days of fun at all next year.

Back to Kris Roe's version of Snow Patrol.

dm.

Standing in the way

Reality is subjective.
It's more evident this time of year.
Look at all the kids waiting for the parade to end so they can give Santa their letters.
They're sure that he's really reading over them and bringing what they want.
Then look at the parents who recognize the guy dressed as Santa.
The look in their eyes saying "Don't get too close to my kid."
The man behind the beard trying to stay cheerful for an hour and a half until he gets his check.
Households, families, cities, states.
All upholding this lie.
The weather sattelite on Christmas Eve picks up a strange sight of a sleigh and reindeer.
Drunken uncles scoffing at the gullibility of children.
When really, it's just innocence.
Naivity is a virtue we can't afford when we get older.
We always have to be on our toes.
Reality is never objective, still.

I've been remembering my dreams a lot lately. I usually don't.
Last night I dreamt some weird things. Among them, I was walking around with my great grandfather. Not so strange or extraordinary, except that he died several years ago. We were walking down his street. Walking by his house, talking about what he was going to do (now that he was back from the dead, I suppose?) I asked him if he ever felt sad that we sold his house, as tears welled up in my eyes. He said yes, but he planned to get it back and live there again. We continued walking, as I held his hand tight, like a scared child. We just wandered down the street, chatting as if everything would be okay now that he was back. I think if I had a religion, he would be the bible. So, him rising from the dead isn't that much of a stretch. He is my Messiah. When I question the world, I look to him for answers and he always delivers.

More of the same.

(dm)

I can dish it out but I can't take it...

What can you do when you're up against a disease but you're not the cure?
There's not always an antidote.
Be valiant and fight your best fight.
Don't be afraid to ask for backup.
Sometimes the names that mean the most end up past tense and the result of a chisel's indents.

Three cheers for small victories.

++dm

The easy kill...

Looking back on some things, I realized that bitterness can turn into complacency after enough time. I guess when you have time and some perspective, things fall into place. Unfortunately that doesn't usually set anything in the present right.

Growing up is letting go.
I wish I could just get up and start traveling everywhere in the world today.
Some people see the future with clarity, I just have a blurry image and white noise.
I'm too concerned with right now anyway.

I just finished writing this, don't judge too harshly:

"I'm blowing kisses from the barrel of a gun
But you've got a vest and just won't run
I'm building a wall to draw this line
And you're waiting just to make the climb

If you could see inside of me
You'd turn away and hide your face
Endearing terms of my regret
Vacation in these past events

This isn't part of a life that you could want
Squinting at me like you're staring at the sun
This wasn't covered in the brochures that you got
You're falling backward just to see if you'll be caught

If you could see behind my eyes
And dig beneath my stash of lies
You'd sink into the sands of thought
And find yourself alone and lost

Maybe I'm the creep you've always wanted
If you've got the meat then why go hunting
Maybe you're the bed in which I slumber
You don't know the man beaneath the covers

Chew me up and swallow down
I'm the prince that's plotting for the crown
Abuse this priveledge constantly
Always talking but it's getting hard to breathe

This is the only way out
Following this tunnel through the ground
There's light ahead, we're almost there
Reflecting in the iris of your stare"

Love goes anywhere/dm

Poison hearts will never change

So I'm still alive after hitting a giant branch that the wind knocked out of a tree. There's a hole in my car, but I'm still in one piece. It was on the way back from a semi-productive study session for a test I won't do that well on, so it was a good night!

The breeze isn't the only thing that blows me away.
Holidays are always hectic, but so are we.
I want to lose track of time and stay lost.
Best friends are like coming home to your own bed after a camping trip.
New friends are extra pillows to make you even more comfortable.
Let's just say I'll be sleeping soundly tonight.

Catching up to what I left behind. dm.

You can't be missed...

...if you never go away. *cobra starship*

I like being by myself sometimes. Just sometimes.
I enjoy moments alone with my thoughts.
Just killing time like murder.
Hunting down a thought in my mind is like chasing daylight.
I'm following the edge of the horizon until it all blends together.
The ground becomes the sky and the sky becomes something even less tangible.
A star to wish on for every regret.
After that, start looking for streetlights.
The moon is full tonight, forbidding any wishes.
I can feel it pulling at my stomach.

Christmas is creeping quickly.
I can't wait until it catches up.

-Asleep or dead-dm-

Take apart your head

"Backseat Driving Under the Influence

I am a silent passenger
Following the scenery
Riding an unpaved road
Far away from uncertainty
The seatbelt like a noose
Pulling at my neck
Begging me to stop struggling
And let my feet hang
Street signs pass unnoticed--

I've lost faith in this pen
To write me out of trouble again
I'm losing hope that your smile
Will stick around to get me by
I can't find paper that can hold up
With the weight of these words
But I'm understanding that
You can never forget what you learn
The conductor beckons
And I'm following the wave of his hand
I'm a silent passenger
Following the beat of the band."

love is a currency and I'm broke.
dm.

Will Powerless

I feel helplessly young and old at the same time.
I feel contradictory like that.
It's strange because I'm happy, but not happy with who I am.
I could be more, but I don't feel like I have the motivation.
I wish I was one of the people that suceed despite the odds.
I feel like I use my disadvantages as an excuse. I don't want to.
Coming to this realization should allow me to overcome it, right?
I want to get past my fear of failure, or whatever this is.
I need someone to help me, push me past it.
I need somebody to kick me when I'm down and won't get up.

I don't know if this is the same for anyone else, but when I clean my room, or any room for that matter, I always tend to get stuck at one area. Like if I start out straightening up my desk, I'll be completely focused on that desk trying to make it perfect, losing focus on the big picture of just getting the room clean. I feel like that applies to my life, too. I'll get completely focused on one thing, and let everything else fall by the wayside. While I nurture this one crop and watch it flourish, the rest of my plants are dying without water. I just need to reach a medium where I can focus on several things and give them all appropriate attention. Would anyone like to help?

I'll keep pulling at this thread until it unravels like a thought in my head.

>love is a beat>follow it>dm

Waiting my turn to die

I write words that stay pressed between pages waiting for the day they're pulled apart to let the past out. Words can't live up to emotions, they can only mimic. Try being brutally honest in your writing, because when you read it again years from now, you'll still remember if you lied.

"Shelves

Describe to me a love story
One like this you can't find at a library
Following the punctuation
I only find myself lost in the pages
Looking through the words, I laugh
This reality caught in a paragraph
The feelings that ignite in lovers
Can burn the sheets bound between these covers
I worry that I've made a mess
Start a new chapter, send this one to press
Fighting for a copyright
Eclipsing any fiction you could write
The topics and the tales we tell
We'd do well to live life off the shelf
Eternal life on pages creased
And envied classic status will be reached"

I don't want to run away anymore.
I want to be stationary on this stationery.
Just change the letterhead.

love.dm.

You're a voice that never sings

It's rainy autumn weather, with the perfect soundtrack of the new Brand New record.

Staying in a secluded mountain town was quite refreshing. I took a walk on Friday night at around 9 and there were no cars on the roads at all. It was completely silent as I wandered along the edge of the road, sorting my thoughts. It was mostly a stay inside weekend; lots of scrabble and card games. Sometimes, though, it's the little things that make the biggest impact on your life.

I've got my arms wrapped tight around a good feeling.
I'm taking off the gauze and burning the bandages.

11/10/06

"These feelings fell soft
Like an autumn mountain snow
As you settle into sheets
Watch for the headlights' glow
Seek comfort in a candle
Burning on the window's ledge
Pray to be off in the distance
Staring from the canyon's edge

I've been walking these miles
From the valleys to hills high above
They leave me longing for solid ground
Where I can settle down and start up from

Well, the breeze fell fast
We felt it go by
You knew it was coming
Just a matter of time
Staring down on the good life
From a high winding road
If only we could get there
Down this treacherous slope

I've been walking for miles
Down valleys and up hills high above
They leave me to envy solid ground
Where we could settle down and start up from

Just a mile to go to reach the promised land
Engines fighting the incline reaching toward your hand
I think maybe one day we'll look back at this
And laugh at all the pain inside we'll never miss
I'll keep my eyes ahead to navigate these curves
But falling from this hilltop, nothing's sure."

Always keep your fingers crossed.

/luck & love/dm/

Right now they're building a coffin your size

Alas, I have not updated in a while. I've been busy... sort of. This weekend I'll be staying on a mountain halfway across the keystone state. Speaking of which, I'm running kind of late for that, so this is going to be a small update.

I'm feeling far away and we haven't left yet. Maybe I'll feel closer to myself once I'm out of town. Success of our friends can make us look at our own lives a different way. Am I wasting my time? I don't think so, I'm having fun. I still feel like a kid, it's nice to be able to be reckless when you can afford to. I've never been that party kid, getting drunk or high every weekend. I never will be. Being stupid while sober is so much better. I'd like to think being drunk off of laughter is more intoxicating and memorable than any processed grain. I hope I'm wasted all weekend.

>love >dm