Headaches and nailbiters

How much can I confide after walking 2 miles?
I can hardly catch my breath, my thoughts are far behind.
My head feels heavy, I don't know if I have too many thoughts in it or too much alcohol.
Alcohol is as bad as credit cards.
Listen to your grandparents.. not the alcoholic ones.. and leave it alone.
My side is killing me and my heels hurt.
The last day of July... meaningless of course.
I'll most likely sleep the day away since it's almost dawn now anyway.
Do pleasures just lead us away from what is truly righteous?
Is righteousness not true pleasure?
Goodnight, and hopefully not goodbye.

More later

Here I am where the sun can't reach me.
2PM and it still feels like the morning.
I hear whispers from the shower, all indiscernible hisses.
Losing day, but looking forward to night.
Hard to believe it's almost August.
I need a reason to dress nice again.
Tragic Kingdom was/is a great CD.

Take your cold, cold heart and drown...

..and don't forget to take deep breaths. +TAI

I'm glad I can still be amused as easily as when I was younger.
Give me a friend and some nintendo games and I'm good to go.
Last night we took a trip to the pretzel factory, one that was long overdue. It was pretty awesome, hanging out in the city while it was lightning like crazy and eating pretzels.
However, my plans to stay up all night never seem to work.
I've got a busy few weeks coming up, but they're going to be fun.
I'm well on my way to the best summer ever.
And I'm only about one step away from actually being paid to be unemployed.
I feel like a big bum in a way, but technically it is my money, and I have been working basically since I graduated high school. I feel like having a break. I'm enjoying myself for a while.
()()>

Blood on blood

Afternoon is the new morning.
My reflection is different but I'm still the same.
My story can be printed on recycled paper.

Last night was drinking and fun in ocean city.
Apparantly to get on the rides for free, all you have to do is ask.
We got on the log flume, house of mirrors, bumper cars, and (dave and travis) on the spinning bears.
It was great. Throw in some bubble hockey and underage girls and you've got our evening.
Apparantly it just takes a dollar in quarters for guys to prove they're tough.
On the way out of oc we stopped at the park and hung out on the play ground for a while.
Somehow, we managed to elude the police the whole night.

I don't think ghosts are actually physical apparitions, but the manifestation of our own regrets that haunt us until we can make peace with them.
Unfortunately it's not that easy to do.

I've got some calls to make.
Anyone know of any job openings?

Mind over (you don't) matter

back from va.
good times, lots of walking.
quite a few scrapes and cuts from cement and trees.
campfire conversations and nights slept under the stars (or the rain.)

sometimes it's hard not to blur the lines between dreams and reality.
i ran (away) 3 miles today.
why did i start running in the summertime?

coconut rum and coke is a great drink.
gotta pace myself with them, though.

you're nothing more than a pickpocket.
what you stole wasn't for you, i was saving it for someone special.
just a thief in sheep's clothing.
a con artist.
stockpiling matches to burn all those bridges.
hurry, before gas goes up again.
you're yesterday's news and today's refuse.
dm.

Your Guts (I Hate 'Em)

So I've been silent for a few days, but not idle.
I went to see Reel Big Fish and MxPx on Friday and Sunday. The fish put on their usual amazing performance and MxPx was quite good as well.
The past two days were just spent relaxing a little bit, staying out of the 100+ degree heat.
Tomorrow I leave for Virginia for 5 days. We'll be living it up at water parks and historical tours.

Of course I can't go without mentioning the reclaimation of our trio, the three of us back together again, getting wasted and acting stupid like old times. We were on a bumpy road for a while, but we're heading back in the right direction.

Don't come lookin' for me cuz I'm up in the treehouse
Can't you read the sign? It say "no girls allowed"
dm.

See you next week.

Everyone here hates everyone here..

for doing the same thing that they do. -ltj

I think it's time to let it go.
Leave it alone.
Take your own advice and keep it to yourself.
I know being a hypocrite is in these days, but go against the grain for once.
So talk all the shit you want, but don't let me hear it.
And I'll do the same.
Pretend I don't exist.
And I'll do the same for you.
The world's better off that way.
I don't need this daily petty drama.
Just let these sleeping dogs lie.

Someone needs to give you a busted lip...

..to match the rest of your face. dm.

Just so you know: anorexics are sad, not sexy.
But, please skip another meal so the other side of your face caves in.
And if you think the metal in your mouth is the only thing stopping your supermodel career, I'd think again.
Unless, of course, you're aspiring to be the "Before" picture for a rhinoplasty clinic.
If so, good luck with that, you'll do very well.

You wouldn't know a good thing...

...if it came up and slit your throat.

I'm surprised you can walk upright after laying down for everyone.
I had that dream again where you're tied to the train tracks.
I got there just in time to pull up a seat and watch the gates come down.
Hoping sweet dreams come true.
I never knew the real meaning of 'good riddance' before now.

Oh, and we're giving David Copperfield the challenge.. I mean, he can make the Statue of Liberty disappear, but this one might be tricky.
Ha.. tricky.

It should be a good week.. no work to worry about.
Casinos will be one night, although I don't plan on spending much... who does?
Tuesday is the Early November show and their CD release- buy it, it's great!
Wednesday is anniversary dinner at the best Italian joint around.
Friday is Reel Big Fish and MxPx!!
Saturday is dinner with the grandmother and sister.
Sunday is Trip Kings at the Troc- buy tickets, they're only 10 bucks!!
Looking forward to a good week, but I've got some work to do in between all the festivities. Finding a new job for one thing. But unemployment sounds nice for a while.
I'm so tired, I'm going to bed right now.

Music from the window

Quiet, lazy afternoon.
Stewing in my thoughts.
The irony in insincere apologies.
A means to an end.
I know you're not supposed to wish time away or you'll end up wishing your life away, but just this once it might be worth it.
Why am I still inside?
I've been awake for 4 hours and my phone battery is almost dead.
I've come to embrace the delete key.
Erasing from online.
Erasing from my phone book.
Erasing from my life.
Dreaming of fall.
Changing leaves.
Changing lives.
Your (sex) life of crime.
I'll have more free time now.
Maybe I'll read a few more books.
"This story's getting old. The homewrecker with a heart of gold."
Any time now- it'll be back like a boomerang.
Let's get on with it.

No more bets

You're just like the A.C. games.

Drawing people in until they realize there's no real payoff.

Always open and inviting until they've lost it all.

The house always wins.

Stop burning bridges..

"...And drive off of them (please) so I can forget about you."

-----> <3
New song.... thanks for the inspiration.

Close the curtain on this confessional
and slit your wrists
Cause hell's too good for you.
And don't pretend it's unintentional
You had the itch
Let me scratch it 'til you bleed the way I do.

I hope you feel like martyr
As I squeeze a bit harder
Around your throat.
I'll push you to the edge now
A little farther
And down you'll go.

I listened to you say it like you mean it
Now you can hear me say it like I hate you.
All those words I had to force out
They just meant I wanted you to lay down.
And you can listen to me laugh
When the shards from your broken glass heart
Puncture and tear your lungs
Until you can't utter another fucking lie.
----->XO

"Cause you're beautiful just not on the inside.. light comes from within, those beaming eyes don't seem so bright." ~ Saves the Day

Maybe it's not a cheerful intro, but it's gloomy outside, so it's fitting. I feel like I haven't been on here in a while. Been having too much fun away from the computer I guess. That's not a bad thing. My day off for the 4th of July was awesome. The night before we went out to celebrate my buddy Danielle's birthday at Applebee's. Maureen got to come for a while and drink with us. Then she spent the night and we slept in before going to my Dad's for swimming and BBQ food. We were drinking Mike's Hard frozen Lemonade, so we had to stay until I could see straight again. Then, I got to play some poker later on with the guys. I'm about to do that right now actually, but with a bigger group of guys at the bowling alley.

Go see Superman Returns! It's good.

dm.

The internet is the new bathroom wall...

and away messages are the new graffiti. dm.

Feel free to set yourself up for the fall.
Like a standing domino just waiting to be tipped.
With all that hot air, it won't be long before that house of cards gets blown down.
The charges are set, just make sure to clear the area before you trigger the implosion.
Just know I'll be watching from the grandstand.
Like a race fan just waiting for the inevitable crash.

Sleep tight. Keep one eye open.

A Still Life Franchise

I am narcissistic.
I think before I act.
I am candid, but I hide my feelings.
I can be opportunistic.
I bleed.
I care too much.
I don't care enough.
I clam up when I have a lot to say.
I lose sight of the big picture sometimes.
I feel.
I think I deserve answers.
I don't.
I hurt people's feelings.
I tear myself up inside.
I feel like I'm owed something.
I know I owe a lot.
I care.

"Always feeling paralyzed, am I a still-life with vital signs?"

Is this the way a toy feels when it's batteries run dry?

Bars suck tonight.
People-watching is depressing.
Seeing groups of friends is like trying to walk on a broken ankle-- almost impossible to do and harder to believe it's a leg you might be able to walk on again one day.
Like a widow watching a happy couple.

Old haunts are full of new ghosts.
New thoughts are filled with old jokes.

dm.

Where does the rain come from?
And what are clouds?
Were the oceans always just there?
It sounds like a children's book, but I really wonder.
Was it all natural evolution of the universe?
Evolution from what?
Did God put it there?
Don't get me started.
We're all a mystery.
I know I can't solve it, but I can't help trying to put these pieces together.
It seems that every time I feel like I've got a piece of the puzzle, it gets shattered into a thousand more.
The search becomes regression.
Better off accepting what's here and now, but I'm pretty sure I'll be shattering puzzle pieces for the rest of my life.

Choke

"At lunch today, the kid tried to eat his corndog while it was still too hot and almost swallowed it whole, but it got stuck and he couldn't breathe or talk until the Mommy charged around from her side of the table.
Then two arms were hugging him from behind, lifting him off his feet, and the Mommy whispered, "Breathe! Breathe, damn it!"
After that the kid was crying and the entire restaurant crowded around.
At that moment it seemed the whole world cared what happened to him. All those people were hugging him and petting his hair. Everybody asked if he was okay.
It seemed that moment would last forever. That you had to risk your life to get love. You had to get right to the edge of death to ever be saved."
~Choke, by Chuck Palahniuk

That was a great book, I just read it and that was one of many parts that stuck out to me.

I'm going to the bar tonight, but I don't feel much like drinking. At least they have wings, too.

It's all a little too much.

Flying at Tree Level

Coming home sucks. This time it does, at least.
Maybe it makes it easier.
No missed calls, no messages to return... less work for me I guess.
Right.
But also, no more nights of bonfires and beer on the beach.
No more sleeping so close to the ocean that the waves sing me to sleep.
And no more learning about the history of aviation at Kitty Hawk(even though I only really believed that man could fly after I met you.)

Sand falls through my toes like time in an hourglass.
It sounds cliche, but I think I just made it up.
As I look around me, everything is illuminated in perfect darkness.
Everything seems permanant like footprints in the sand on the edge of the ocean.

The waves sound far away, but I imagine them reaching far in from the shore and swallowing us up, because then I'd know what exactly I had to do - try to stay afloat - even though I guess that's what I'm doing anyway.

The ocean wears away at rocks, making them smooth and faceless--
An interesting contrast from what time does to people; it adds more shape and definition with each great wave that hits our shoreline, until we are finally swept away for good, to return only as seafoam in others' memories.

Let's go down in history...

The second hand smoke is still stuck to my tongue like dried grease on a frying pan.

Today was my friday at work, I'm off for three days to make it a five day weekend. I'll be putting it to good use, plenty of time to spend on the beach. This week has been bittersweet. So many ups and downs. I feel like a ghost in the walls just sitting back and watching this all happen. I'm not happy with everything that's going on, but I try to focus on the good stuff rather than the bad. I've spent too much time focusing on the bad parts of life.

"...and when each day is the same as the next, it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises." - The Alchemist

Losing friends is like having phantom limbs. You always have the memory of that person and when you laugh at a joke you both laughed at a million times, you almost have to look around to see if they're somewhere laughing with you. It's like they're right there when you need advice because even though you can't hear them, you know what they would say. Unfortunately, they haven't perfected prosthetic friends just yet, so no hopes for that operation. Maybe with some therapy...

I'll be absent from here for a few days, unless by some chance I find an internet cafe or buy a Sidekick. Don't worry though, I'll return with plenty of words to fill the void.

Unhand me

Woke up sweating in last nights clothes.
Can every morning start like this?
Humid air as thick as the thoughts I've been having lately.
Bound to break open in a thunderstorm soon.
Your name in lights.
I'm out of this fight.
I'm deserting the company.
I'm leaving behind the battalion.
Hoping for peacetime.
This is my dishonorable discharge.
I'll be waiting out the war.

My capillaries scream...

2 hours of sleep and still not tired.
I'll feel it later.
Too much on my mind probably.
Everything is pretty amazing that has been happening.
The coincidences, assumptions, one-liners and retaliations.
I don't want to be in the assumptions category, so I'll wait to find out for sure.

I guess you're not gonna score this one.
Too bad, the plan was laid well.
The hints dropped in just the right places.
Subtle glances thrown but deflected.
You're an open book and you're an easy read.
Please judge by this cover.