Sleep tonight...

I'm sleepwalking in dark circles around your eyes. dm.

Life should be like Pop-Up Video. Does anyone remember that show? It was great, and it would be perfect for explaining things in life, too.

Tonight was drunken walks on the boards of a dry town.
Some people got "party-boyed" and we stayed out of jail.
The world's biggest slice is too big for me.
The waves mimic my thoughts- pulling back and then reaching out and crashing down.

Is it possible to stare at the darkness?

I'm sending a goodnight kiss in the cool breeze to you. (So leave your window open.)

Day off...

"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating."
Tell me what movie it's from and you get a prize.

It's funny how your the outcome of your day can be contingent on one thing.
I suppose that's probably a bad thing.
It seems that there's still hope for today.

Get back to me.

Love Like Winter

We're alive.
Consciousness is surreal.
Perception is fatally flawed.
Good intentions are dust in the wind.
Regrets are just broken brain waves.
We're meant to be here.
Beliefs are too easily skewed.
Dreams are fragile-- and shattered everyday.
Personality is exclusive, but quickly molded.
Time is relative, but overdefined.

You can't define an emotion, you can only feel it.
Love can't be limited, nor can it ever be expressed enough for one to understand the true magnitude of it.
But it's only human to try.
So I'll keep trying.

Post Script
Sometimes trying to explain how you feel to someone is like juggling for a blind person or singing to a deaf person. It makes you feel completely seperated from a normal plane of existence when you have this thought inside of you and all you need is the right words to articulate it, but they completely evade you. Ten thousand words can come out and not one of them can do what you intend. It's like putting a puzzle together when 10 of the edge pieces are missing- you can't even get the shape right, so how can you start filling in the blanks? Just know it's simple yet hard to explain, and amazing yet excruciating at times. Sorry about today.

Hot & Humid

"The poets are just kids who didn't make it and never had it at all."

I don't really believe in luck or anything, but I think I may be cursed. It seems like no matter what I do, how much I try, I seem to screw things up. It's no one's fault but my own, but I do it so efficiently. That's all on that subject, I won't dwell.

Yesterday was awesome. We started by going to my dad's barbeque, which was really just 4 of us sitting on the deck eating hot dogs and talking about the weather and things. I saw a picture of me from about 5 years ago. It was pretty funny to see, I looked ridiculous. I had turquoise hair... it was a fun time. Then we had to get fudge, so we went down to Wildwood. There was a surprising lack of traffic on the way down for a holiday weekend. We went to the arcade and discovered that i'm the master of the claw machine! I got Woody Woodpecker, first try. I could have gotten every other one in there, too. But, who needs more than one Woody? We got fudge and headed down to the "casino." We played video poker and slots to win a bunch of tokens. We got a little skee ball in, but not enough. After quite a while of pondering, we decided to get 2 army men with parachutes and give our other 250 tokens to a group of kids who were ecstatic to receive such a gift. We headed home, I had some of the fudge- it was even better melted... Then my car started overheating, so we stopped for a minute to let it cool off. It's always something with my car. We got home and chilled out for a while. We figured it was a good day to make chocolate covered strawberries, so we started boiling water and melting chocolate chips and we did it. I only had one, but it was really good. We had more food from the grill and watched Two for the Money. I wasn't sure about it, but it's a good movie. Too much sitting down time gave us the energy to go for a run around the block. Some sweat, tears, and a little bit of vomit later we ended up going out for a drive since it was so nice out. Once the car started overheating again, we figured it was time to call it a day. So, we hung out and watched some SVU and MTV for a while before we parted ways and went to sleep. Yep, cursed.

Anyway, this morning I got up early and headed the the zoo with a group of us. Cape May Zoo that is.. in Cape May Court House. The zoo was hot, the animals were sleeping and we held people up to take a picture. That was that, so we came back home and got ready for Nathan's graduation/birthday barbeque. And that pretty much brings us up to date and back to the first thing I wrote about being cursed. So, wish me luck on the next thing I'm bound to fuck up. So long.

Friends... what can I say? Some people just don't match the definition I have.

Simply a look can break your heart...

I feel like I should throw up my hands, but they're busy holding on for dear life.

It was a good night, looking back. Went to dinner at Adelphia. Saw X-Men 3. I suggest seeing that movie, it was very good. Really unpredictable. Went to the Camden waterfront for a while and enjoyed the beautiful, slightly humid, weather.

Technology just makes us slaves sometimes. Away messages, text messages, cell phones and blogs can just drive you crazy. I love it all, but some days I wish it would just go away.

I got the new AFI cd, it's awesome. It comes out June 6, so definitely pick it up. The single is still one of my favorite songs, but the rest of the cd is superb, especially the intro- of course. The new Less Than Jake is a little disappointing, but I'm still listening to it, it's already grown on me a little.

I feel like taking a walk, but I'm also completely tired and ready for bed.

"Self-deprication seems okay.. I never thought I'd make it anyway."

You can be sure about me... no matter what.

Under Construction

Turn off the lights that are flooding the hallways of truth.
I always feel better when I'm in the dark.

This ballgame might go into overtime.
The game is on the line, but I'm second string.
Not a very good chance I'll be called to the field.
But I can't just sit on my hands on the bench, I want in.
I might have to sit a few plays out, but I'll be on the line before the night is over.

I'm never even tired at 1AM anymore. Not that I'd be able to sleep if I just tried to go to bed anyway.

Too many thoughts crowding my brain.
Making the commute to my heart and it's already rush hour there.
Thinking about opening a new tunnel at my wrist to relieve some of the congestion.
Avoid this highway at all costs.

Ring finger

Can we stay gold please?
I don't have the strength to be tempered.
I like the state I'm in.
Just the right composition and strength.
Maybe not strong as steel, but it's better to be able to bend a little sometimes.
I won't make your skin turn green, I swear.
I can't promise I won't turn it red though.
You can wear me out whenever you want.
And I'll stay home in your jewelry box waiting for you to pick me out.
I hope you feel like getting dolled up tonight.

A whispering campaign...

I wish

the figurative flame

could be extinguished as easy as

the literal one.

Fold on the dotted line...

I wonder if lack of sleep really takes years off your life.. if so, I should only have a few months left to live. And it's a murder. I hope this killer has a conscience.

I think my face is like a black and white TV screen and my brain is flashing in color.
It's like I watched a butterfly hatch and grow into something amazing and then just pulled off each wing in spite of it's beauty.
There's not enough glue in the world to reattach them now.

You call me out with each distracted glance.
Believe it or not I'm happy.
Tired, yes, but happy.
I'm tired in that state where I can't fall asleep.
Your shoulder is comfort, an escape.
My tired eyes are like faded print on a newpaper, don't try to decipher them.
My heart is an origami organ, just waiting to be folded into something beautiful.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
I wish I said what was on my mind.
Your shirt was speaking my words, give or take a few letters.
Bonsoir.

I'm going to be tired...

Spend all my time trying to read your eyes and all I get are silent lullabies. dm.

Anticipation of being tired is almost worse than being tired right now.
Technology creates drama.
Uheard and unseen, but still alive and well.
This pain grows underground and I'm just the flower blooming above.
Good thing I don't use my ring finger that often.
Looking forward to breakfast. Goodnight.

Reward for Information

Anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of Heinrich A. Sheep should contact me immediately. Don't involve the police or they'll kill him!

Seeing (not so) straight

Numb teeth.
Friends or enemies??
Fate or choice?
A call with no answer.
Shimmy shimmy quarter turn.
Constant dance ends.
The amp in my head does not.
Tired and alone.
Time for bed.
Way to ruin the surprise.
That's very annoying.
Congrats on the right keys.. good night.

Silence in black and white

Hangin' out alone in the dark.
This is what I call a party.
Nothing but the glow of the computer screen and the bass from the speakers downstairs.

Everything has been pretty surreal lately. It has all been good. Which, given the past month or so just makes me think the other shoe should be firmly dropping on my heart any second now. In that case I suppose I have the option to be all emo about it and act like it's already happened or to enjoy it right now and hope it never happens. Yea, that's the road I'll take. I'm at the fork in the road, but I think someone switched the signs.

So back to the good stuff. The past couple days have been stellar. Especially yesterday. I only had to work until 12 at work, so afterwards, I met up with my sidekick and we went shopping. It's true, and I'm guilty of actually indulging in the sport, not just being the spectator this time. I got some good stuff, thanks to my fashion coordinator. We saw the Da Vinci Code, which was actually pretty good. Unfortunately, the group of Christian protesters outside were too late to let us know that seeing the movie was blasphemy. Guess we're going to hell.. what can you do? We ate at Applebee's and decided it was time to swing back home. Really, we swung. Swung? Is that right? Swang.. no.. We did some swinging.. no.. Traded spouses.. yea, that's it. And then, since it was Friday night, we figured we had to do something worthy. You guessed it, kids: we did a puzzle. I know you're jealous, but it was invite only, sorry. Had to work this morning, but after that, I went to deliver a birthday gift and do MORE shopping. I spent another $200! Again, worth it, at least for the comfortable shoes. And later, I ate a smurf and there was more puzzle action. Now, something about dancing... I'm not sure. Until later tonight probably....

Post Script: There's been a kidnapping. More later.

Sing like you think no one's listening

It's at that point where it's not quite dark, but not light out anymore. Some people have their headlights on and some people will wait until they can't see anything. Everybody rocks out in their cars when they're driving. I don't want to stop when I get to a red light. I'd rather keep singing and have everyone look at me funny. It's great when you see someone singing at the top of their lungs from across the street when you hear no music at all. It looks absolutely ridiculous and you start thinking "that must be what I look like when I'm singing. I'm gonna stop when I get to a traffic light."

I like standing at empty intersections in the middle of the night and watching the light change in silence. Yellow. Red. Then from red to green. It seems pointless when there are no cars anywhere to be seen. But, still it dutifully changes on cue, back and forth. Maybe it's just a habit that it can't break. Or maybe it's just a programmed traffic signal. This won't make sense next time I read it.

Let's toast to future therapy sessions!

Note to self: Don't wait 'til 2AM

A chilly spring night.
I need to borrow some heat.
You can have some of mine if I can have some of yours.

Follow my stare, I'll lead you in.
Synapses can't fire fast enough to meet you.

A sudden desire for perfection(though you're nothing less.)
Abandon small spaces and listening for squeaks.
Trade it in for candlelight and sheets.
You're still alive on my fingertips.
You belong in this empty embrace.
Permeate the fabric of my dreams.

Can you still feel the butterflies?

Like a butterfly from a cocoon, this beautiful night rose out of wreckage.
Unassuming waves creeping closer, eavesdropping.
This is how heart problems begin.
One thought creates a thick air in between.
So close to being released from the confines of the mind and freed into open arms, but then pulled back in.
Seeming so near, then slipping away like the moon.
I hope you can read my eyes, yearning.
I wait for an oncoming utterance from you-- intercepted.
Words locked behind gorgeous crimson bars.
The key lost.
Don't worry, I can pick this lock.
Cracked, but there's no such thing as instant gratification.
None needed, I'm already elated.
Yellow signs and power lines are the only other witnesses to this exchange.
An unburdening of my soul, long-overdue.
Pulled over.
A moment of sheer indescribable emotion.
I want to live inside this feeling.
Joy has overtaken and steered home.
"You're all kinds of beautiful as you end my day..."
I predict no sleep with an empty space by my side.
I hope you can rest with a smile on your face now.
No longer looking forward to dreams since there's no way they could be better.
Good night. Sweet dreams.

Eyes wide shut

Staring down the city through a set of brass knuckles.

The night has closed in.

The sheets are beckoning.

Put a closed sign on my eyelids.

But we're still accepting phone calls.

The problem with spitting something out is that you need to have put something in first.

I feel like I've been exhaling for a long time now, but there's no oxygen to breathe in.

Absence makes the heart grow jealous.

Who's disappointed in the finale of Prison Break?

There's keeping suspense and then there's just being rediculous.

Who am I kidding? I'll be there next fall; see you Monday in 5 months.

Smile, I'm tired.

Tiny grains of sand

"He is a walking contradiction. Fittingly, he finds it enjoyable and annoying at the same time. He is often overconfident, and it shows in the way he walks. But, when you look inside there's just a kid full of doubt in every step he takes. He's egotistical and takes everything to heart. He feels like everyone's actions are based on him somehow, yet he is usually alone thinking that nobody cares about him at all. He feels lonely in this world, but there is rarely a time when he isn't surrounded by friends. There is nothing standing in his way except for himself and he's not moving. He always says to look on the bright side, chin up. But he doesn't practice what he preaches. The boy that always seems jovial is in a pessimistic turmoil on a regular basis. He doesn't want anyone to worry, but he's silently begging for someone to care. Someone. He dreads his dreams and is currently looking forward to his favorite nightmare. Let the kid sleep."

Why do British people put a "u" in words like colour and favourite?

We took a trip to the beach, but the sun stayed at home. It was waiting for us when we got back. I realized I need some practice at skee ball and that I should never try to play Dance Dance Revolution. I'm still good at bubble hockey, though. Shut out!!

The sun is setting, that just means the day is starting.
Night is always better anyway.

What's your favourite colour?

Need to shave..

It turns out Domino's is open late for pickup on Saturday nights.
Lucky me...
The employees sure are chatty though.. kept me there for a while.
Good thing I ordered the sugar free Fruit Loops special.
Ok, enough with that... I just really enjoyed the pizza.

Tiptoe past the guard towers.
Spoken subtext and wandering eyes.
I hear birds chirping in the dark.
Apparantly you can't trust vibes.
Not always so easy to leave.
Slide out the front, ninja style.

Comatose but audible

"And when it all goes to hell, will you be able to tell me sorry with a straight face? (or take this to your grave)"

I wrote this song today, I'm currently working on recording it. It's a little rough, I may change some things later.. and there's no second verse yet. Work in progress:

-living on the blurred line of friendship-
"Thanks for salting the knife wound you left in my back
And thanks for all the good times I know we'll never get back
Thanks for making it seem like I meant something at all
And don't forget to look back while I watch you fall
Into this endless abyss of what I guess you deserve
Walking miles aways saying 'thank god you're not like her'

Do you think you could come up with something slightly more cliche
Than burning bridges at night and dodging glances all day?
Worrying eyes hope he can't see you're just a whore
I hope you ride this sinking feeling straight to the ocean floor

So just don't pretend that you feel sorry for this
And don't act like your remorse is something I can resist
Follow this bullet from my tongue and wish it hadn't been said
Cuz you deserve to be bleeding if that's how you treat your friends"

I never thought I had a gambling problem, but I can't stop placing the losing bet that you've changed. dm.

Keep your enemies close, but keep your friends closer.
Best friends are ties that blind.
Keep yourself inebriated so you always have an excuse.
Living in this standard ruin.

This is a war.
Losing friends in battle.
Burning bridges.
Fights like bombs exploding in a small town.
Sifting through the debris to see who made it out alive.
When the smoke clears, no one is ever the same.
Take your cyanide pill now.